Intimidation, among other things....

Clinically Speaking

For starters, if you haven’t blogged in 6 months, then you are a pretty shitty blogger.
Sorry.

In my last entry in May I had just started a new course of treatment after some disease progression on first line chemotherapy, so after 30 rounds I switched to targeted therapy which is basically 2 chemo pills a day.  These pills come at a tune of 15K per month.

The great news is that all identified disease progression has been reversed and after 6 months and 2 CT scans everything is back to “minimized and stable.”

We are continuing to wrap our heads around chronic disease management, and I have grown accustomed to the new drugs and their side effects.

I can tell you that it is much better than the roller coaster of Chemotherapy infusions every 21 days, and the recovery from each infusion.

CT scans every 3 months, with blood monitoring every 6 weeks.

My care team and support network continues to be amazing.

Maui Fun Times

 

Life Stuff

The Browns had a pretty great summer, lots of soccer, swimming, dirt biking, and time outdoors. The summer was capped off by an amazing trip to Maui for just Regina and I. We swam and relaxed, and for a week I was just another guy, not the guy with cancer, this was very liberating and we came back rested and refreshed.

Also in August, Bella committed to Central Washington University on a soccer scholarship, we are very proud of her and are happy to see all of her hard work pay off.

Click on this link to see Bella drop one of the most beautiful goals: Bella Banger

November 7th I turned 50 years old.

This is not a milestone that I take for granted.

I did it up relatively big over the course of a couple weeks:

-Trip to Nashville with some of my best friends. 

-Birthday party at Top Rung Brewing with an amazing group of friends.

-Mountain Bike ride on the actual day of my birthday with some hard core dudes in the snow.

I think we got after it pretty good, and I felt so much love.

Intimidation

In my pre-cancer life, Intimidation was not a feeling or an emotion that touched me much or had any impact on me.  It was a rare occasion that Jim Brown was intimidated by anything.

I have always been strong and confident in myself.

Recently I was having lunch with a good friend and we were talking about life in general.  I found myself speaking several times about being “Intimidated” by things in life.

These things don't seem like a big deal but for some reason they weigh on me, concerts, trips, work stuff, it's all very foreign for me to feel this way.

The mental and physical effects of my disease and it’s treatment leave me feeling fatigued often.

It seems that everything comes with a a much larger price tag, and that price tag wears me down.

I have been humbled by this experience beyond what I ever would have imagined, and things will never be the same.

I still apply my: Time... Energy... Resources.... model, to decision making and I weigh things out carefully to evaluate the impact they will have on me and the benefit that I gain from those actions.
I have found myself saying no, or backing out of commitments more often.

The highlight reel looks good, but there are still some rough days.

I am trying to regain some confidence in myself and “lean in” to my treatment success.

Daily Choice 

Daily Victories

“Don’t let cancer define you.”

What the fuck does that even mean??!!!

I have had several people say that to me, thinking that they are giving me good life advice.

I came out of the gate punching hard with cancer, and I feel 100% that my attitude has contributed to my success with treatment.

But.....I have been redefined by having cancer, there is no avoiding that.

It is metastatic, it is incurable, and it is considered “terminal”.

I will be receiving some sort of cancer treatment for the rest of my life.

Simmer on that for a minute......

I feel like I have approached this as a fighter and I have defied the disease.

I still Work.

I Snowboard.

I Mountain Bike.

I Dirt Bike.

I LIVE....

In fact.. many people tell me I live harder than most “healthy” people.

Yes I am a cancer advocate for lung cancer patients and an educator with regards to cancer awareness and prevention for firefighters.  Sometimes I'm "That Guy".

I am not defined by that, but It is a part of who I am now.

If I didn’t advocate and educate I would be negligent.

So I guess after a lot of thought, I kinda take offense that somebody would say that to me, especially this far into the game.  

DEFINED by Cancer is NOT me... never has been and never will be.

Take home message is: 

Think very hard before you say this to somebody battling cancer or a chronic disease.

All that said.....remember this.

I am blessed.

I am fortunate.

I never forget that, or take it for granted.

The Browns a gearing up for a great winter up in the mountains and we are gonna LIVE!!!!!!

I am a Warrior

I am a Thrivor

I am the Exception

I choose the Miracle.

Life is good.

Rad Racing Reunion at my 50th

Jaeger Shots on Capital Peak Birthday Ride

Birthday Tattoo