Shit got real again...

“There is a fine line between confidence and cockiness.”

-Some Asshole 2004

I may have been that asshole.

The point of the quote, is that sometimes in some situations you have to exude and possess so much confidence to complete the task, that you rub up against that NOT “super clear” line.

It served me well in the Coast Guard, the fire service, and in my athletic career.

Well... I applied a similar approach to my battle to be a Lung Cancer Survivor. Thus far it has served me well.

When I coached cycling, I taught the kids to master the things that they have control over, then when something comes along out of their control, they will have the skill, confidence, and a plan to deal with the situation with a cool level head.

Engage your own advice Jim Brown.

Because its time to get back in the race and focus just like you have done so many times in your life.

This is how it went down:

On October 10th I had routine scans done for cancer surveillance:

 Brain MRI (9 month cycle) | Chest CT Scan (every 3 months)

Here comes the cocky part.

10 days before the scan I told Regina that she didn’t need to come with me.
She had somewhat of a conflict and I assured her that “everything is gonna be fine". But that cockiness faded as the scan grew closer and that familiar foe “scanxeity” creeped in and ebbed away at the confidence.

I became pretty unsettled in the 48 hours preceding the scan, people around me sensed it.  Regina threw down the gauntlet and said there was no way she was missing the scan and its results. 

Dat shit didn't go so good.

Medical Mumbo Jumbo is above.

The more lay-term friendly explanation is:

There is evidence of cancer in my brain (2 confirmed spots).

There is cancer in my right 6th rib and it has eaten a 2-3 cm hole in the bone.

Fucking game changer.

There is just something about that evidence of 'cancer in the brain' part that changes things so much for those who have heard those words.
It doesn't matter how MUCH Cancer there is, just that there IS Cancer there.

I have had clean scans since April 2017. 
That progression was limited to 1 Lymph node in my chest and it was pretty minimal.  This is when I started Xalkori (2nd line of treatment).

Devastated

Deep Breath!!

Be stunned for a couple days.

Consult with your team.

Make a Plan.

Execute Plan.

Stunned:

We cried a lot.

When we talked to the girls about the new development, it was very hard.
Obviously we have had this type conversation in this very room before.
Bella is away at school so I called her after we had made sure she had support.

I went mountain biking for some fresh air.

I went on a short road trip with a couple of my best friends and got to see Bella play soccer over at CWU.

Consult:

There was a general plan in place for disease progression.

“Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face.”  
                                                          -Mike Tyson

This was the 2nd time I have been punched in the face with disease progression, this time it hurt much worse that the first, because of the location and nature of the changes.  My team was on it right away and the clinical trial coordinator was in the exam room within minutes of the news.  The preliminary EKG and screening was done before I had even left SCCA for the day.

Dr. Keith Eaton is my team leader and he is my guy.
Jennifer Jacky-ARNP is his partner.
Together they bookend my care like no other team could.

I reached out to Dr Ross Camidge in Denver & Dr Alice Shaw in Boston.

I had traveled to see both for second opinions and they each told me that they were on my team from then until I didn’t need their help anymore.

Both contributed some great information and input to to the evolving management plan.  Dr Jing Zeng from the University of Washington department of Radiation Oncology was added to the team.

Make a Plan:

Scan the rest of torso and pelvis for metastatic surveillance.

Radiate the rib to try to alleviate the discomfort of the rib.

Start the clinical trial for Loralatinib.

Rescan Brain and Chest in 6-8 weeks.

Execution:(In progress)

October 10th: Begin washout of Xalkori (previous medication), Prescreening for Trial. 

October 16th: The rest of my torso and pelvis was scanned (scan was clean of further metastasis).

October 17th: My rib was radiated at UW to faster stop the lesion and relieve me of discomfort.

October 19th: Start Phase 2 Clinical Trial for the drug Loralatinib.

November 2:  9:15 am: 2 week Trial Labs and EKG (*required for trial).

11:40pm: Get on a plane to Peru (assuming blood work and EKG clean).

November 7: Celebrate 51st birthday in PERU.

November 17th: Return from Peru.

Yes I am still gonna go to Peru.  Is that Cocky?  Sorry....

The execution of the plan reads pretty smoothly and appears almost simple.

I can assure you that formulating and executing this plan in a timeframe that allows me to still go to South America on November 2 is an astounding feat.

My people GET SHIT DONE.

So, it is a set back, we can deal with it but we are not without our battle wounds. My entire family is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress.

“Mom, this feels just like when daddy was first diagnosed”

-Lilly Brown Oct 12, 2018

We will be accessing some resources to help everybody deal with the emotional scars that this cancer journey has brought every member of this family.

The Brown machine rolls on, the kids grind away at school.
Bella just wrapped up her Freshman season at CWU Soccer.
Regina continues to touch others around her both professionally and personally.

I am going to be me.

I am gonna do it my way.

And I shall continue to rub up against that line.

In other news.

The Hold Fast Project Website Launched!!!
You can check it out here!!  
The Hold Fast Project  Thanks to a good friend for making that happen.

And yes I said I'm going to Peru!
I am going on an amazing adventure on Friday.
A Fresh Chapter  There will be some great stuff coming out of this!!!

Follow me here on the Instagrams:
Jump on there and give me the follows.
therealjimbrown  This one is still a baby, had to start over.
theholdfastproject She's a good one too eh?

Facebook Machines:
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The Hold Fast Project!

I am a Warrior.
I am a Thrivor.
I am the Exception.
I choose the Miracle.

Prayer Request:
Peace and levity for my girls.

Go out and Kick Ass at something today.

Oh and by the way blogspot and its ease of use sucks balls.

#holdfast
Jim